When at Wit’s End

LakeCreek Montessori School • April 3, 2025

Discover four key strategies to strengthen your parent-child connection: understanding mistaken goals, using playful parenting, scheduling special time, and creating visual routines.


Our children are hard-wired to test boundaries. They do this while simultaneously wanting assurance that they are accepted and belong. While this tendency may try our patience, it helps to remember that children just want to know that we can maintain both limits and connection.


Over the years, we’ve found four key approaches that, when used in parallel, can help re-establish relationships, provide clarity of expectations and routines, and help children feel understood and valued.


Mistaken Goals


Often, our children act out when their needs are not being met in some way. If we can understand what our children are trying to achieve through their behavior, we can address these underlying needs. The Positive Discipline model identifies how many behaviors stem from four mistaken goals: the desire for attention, the need for power, the hunger for revenge, and the assumption of inadequacy. 


If children’s goal is attention, the coded message behind the behavior is "notice me" or "involve me usefully.” If the need is power, their behavior conveys that they need meaningful ways to contribute. If children are trying to get revenge, they are communicating they are hurting or need their feelings validated. When their goal is assumed inadequacy, expressed by giving up or wanting to be left alone, the message behind their behavior is a need for others to believe in their capability and show them small steps toward success.


We tend to have emotional responses when our children misbehave, and those feelings are the key to breaking the code of behavior. We recommend using this Positive Discipline Mistaken Goal chart. Use the first column to identify how we feel when faced with the behavior. The subsequent columns (such as how we tend to react and our child’s response) help hone in on the possible mistaken goal. Then, the chart also helps identify the possible beliefs behind the behavior, how adults may contrive, the underlying message, and proactive and empowering responses to shift the behavior. 


Pausing and remembering that misbehavior is a form of communication can help us respond to our children in more supportive ways. 


Playful Parenting


Play allows children to process and make sense of their lives. They need play, and as Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, so eloquently explains in his book, Playful Parenting, children need the adults in their lives to play, too. Even though we may not feel like playing, by engaging in this way, we can create more closeness, cooperation, and confidence in our children.  


When there is a particularly tricky situation that keeps arising–perhaps bedtime, getting out of the house, sharing with a sibling, or something else–using a “playful parenting” model can help. To do this, first, briefly discuss the challenge together during a relaxed time when everyone is in a good mood. This conversation should be non-judgmental and focused more on making observations. For example, “I’ve noticed that when it’s time to leave for school, you seem to get really stuck, and then I get angry because we will be late. Have you noticed that?” This can be a time for your child to share their perspective, too. 


Then, with your child, try acting out the scenario in different ways: when everything goes well, when everything falls apart, with a new approach, etc. It’s also super enlightening and fun to try reversing roles. Have your child be the adult, and you be your child. Not only does this lighten the mood about a friction-causing moment, it can also provide both parties some insight into the other’s perspective. Plus, this playful approach strengthens the bond you have with your child.


Special Time


Another way to proactively cultivate a positive relationship is by scheduling “special time.” Our children need our undivided attention, yet so often, as parents, we are pulled in many directions. One way to address this is to commit to having five to ten minutes of one-on-one time with each child. Let your children know that this is when you will be with them one-on-one and 100%. If you have more than one child, each gets to choose what you both do together during that time, and it’s important to schedule separate one-on-one time with each. 


Be sure to play anything they want during this time and commit to the time together. Children love this special time, and be forewarned, they tend to choose the activity we least enjoy! If this is the case, remember it is only for a short duration. Use a timer and stay committed to having the time each day. This undivided attention helps children feel secure and connected. The result? They are more cooperative with us and each other.


Let Routines Rule


If struggles arise around particular times of day (bedtime, mealtime, transitions, getting ready for school, etc.), shifting to a visual schedule can really help. The key is to collaborate (again during a relaxed time when everyone is in a good mood) with your child to create a visual schedule of what needs to happen during these typically challenging times of the day. For example, if bedtime is tough, brainstorm together about all the steps: brushing teeth, bath time, pajamas, picking out clothes for the next day, storytime, etc. Then together, you can create images, either by drawing them or taking photos of your child doing each step. 


This visual schedule can be a checklist that is laminated so your child can use a dry-erase marker to check off each item they have completed, or pictures can be attached with velcro so they are movable (which allows room for the order to be changed if your child can reorder the flow of events). The idea behind this is to give children a sense of control and to also take the focus off of us reminding them of the next steps. When our children hear us giving constant reminders about what to do next, they can easily slip into resistance mode. Plus, by providing information through the visual sense (not just the auditory sense), a visual schedule helps children understand more concretely and remember the expected structure and sequence.



We’d love to hear how these techniques work for you! Parenting can be an emotionally exhausting experience. One of the gifts of these strategies is that they can also help you reconnect to the joy of raising these amazing (and challenging) beings! Also, let us know if you’d like to schedule a time to come visit in person. We love sharing insights and ideas about supporting children!




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Have you ever watched a child trace the outline of a window with their finger, or carefully line up blocks into a perfectly symmetrical row? They may not have a name for what they're doing, but they are already exploring geometry. Dr. Maria Montessori understood that geometry is not an abstract school subject. It is part of the world children live in from the very beginning. A glance at the typical geometry textbook might suggest otherwise. Formulas, diagrams, and definitions can feel remote and lifeless, something to be memorized and forgotten. But look around for a moment. There is geometry in the angles of a mineral crystal and in the symmetry of a butterfly's wings. There is geometry in the legs of a chair and in the steel girders of a bridge. Children encounter it everywhere! In fact, research suggests that a basic intuitive understanding of geometric concepts may be inborn in human beings. A fascinating study of the Munduruku (an indigenous group living in the Amazon whose language includes very few spatial or geometric terms) found that both adults and children demonstrated an intuitive grasp of basic geometric ideas. This isn't something they were taught. It was already there. Montessori classrooms build on exactly this kind of inborn understanding. From Sensory Experience to Big Ideas In the early childhood years, children work with geometry through their hands. Materials like the Constructive Triangles, the Metal Insets, and the geometric cabinet give children a felt, physical understanding of shape, symmetry, and form before we introduce any formal terminology. Children gather and store these impressions. Their minds are being prepared. As they get older and certainly in the elementary years, children are ready to bring names and reasons to what they already sense. Elementary-aged children don't just want to know what something is called. They also want to know why. Why is this shape called a pentagon? (Spoiler: Its name comes from the Greek word for five: pente.) Geometry becomes a doorway into the history of language, ancient Greece, and the lives of mathematicians like Thales, Pythagoras, and Euclid, who puzzled over the same ideas thousands of years ago. This is the spirit of Cosmic Education when we pull one thread of curiosity to find it unravels into history, language, culture, and mathematics! Geometry, Algebra, and Arithmetic Woven Together One of the things that makes Montessori's approach to geometry so distinctive is that it doesn't stand alone. In the Montessori classroom, geometry is part of a three-part approach to mathematics, interwoven with arithmetic and algebra in ways that make each of them easier to understand. The Binomial Square is a good example. It presents the algebraic expression of (a + b)² = a² + 2ab + b² as a geometric pattern of squares and rectangles that children can actually build and hold. The arithmetic follows the pattern. The pattern confirms the algebra. Each one reinforces the others, and the whole thing is far more memorable than just a formula written on a board. Open-Ended, Creative, and Genuinely Fun Plus, a lot of Montessori geometry work has no single correct answer. We invite children working with the Metal Insets or Constructive Triangles to find as many equivalent figures as they can for a given shape. There may be dozens of ways to approach the same problem. This open-endedness nurtures the creative, analytical thinking that elementary children are hungry for. Plus, this quality of thinking will serve them in every area of life. Compass-and-straightedge constructions are another example. These beautiful, precise drawings challenge children in a way that is both mathematical and artistic. Many children find them deeply satisfying. What This Looks Like at Home You don't have to wait for the classroom to feed your child's geometric curiosity. Point out the shapes in a honeycomb. Notice the angles in a spider's web. Talk about the tiles on the floor or the panes in a window. Ask your child questions. Do you think that could be a triangle? How many sides does it have? These small moments of noticing are the same thing Montessori described when she wrote about preparing the environment to reflect the world children already live in. Geometry is already there. We're simply helping children see it. Come visit us in LakeCreek Montessori School to see how this unfolds in the classroom and to watch children fall in love with one of humanity's oldest ways of understanding the world.
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unfold over time. Children begin with a single frame and inset, using three colored pencils: one for tracing the frame, one for tracing the inset, and one for filling in. As their control deepens, subsequent exercises introduce the use of insets only (without frames), multiple overlapping shapes, repeated tracings of a single shape in different positions, and eventually fully free geometric design using any combination of insets, colors, and orientations. One of the most beautiful exercises is graded color. Using a single inset and a single pencil, children fill the shape with vertical lines, moving from darker to lighter (or lighter to darker) by adjusting the pencil pressure. This exercise requires an extraordinary sensitivity of touch, and when children achieve it, the result is genuinely lovely. This work can continue throughout a child’s entire time in the Children’s House. It can be relaxing and meditative, and when older children do it with great refinement, it naturally inspires younger children who observe them. Readiness and Timing Two key preparations precede the metal insets. Children should be able to trace the shapes of the geometry cabinet and the leaf shapes of the leaf cabinet using a stylus, and ideally they should be working with the movable alphabet. Timing matters. If we introduce the work too soon, before the hand is ready, it becomes too great a challenge rather than a satisfying one. The guide’s role is to observe carefully and to offer the presentation at the moment when it will be received with both readiness and joy. The metal insets are a landmark in the child’s journey toward written language. This layered preparation honors both the intelligence of the hand and the unhurried nature of true readiness. We invite you to come see the metal insets and the full breadth of our carefully prepared environment in person. Contact us to schedule a visit here in LakeCreek Montessori School or to learn more about life in our Children’s House.
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