5 Ways to Meet Your Teens Where They Are

Montessori Thrive • February 21, 2022

Adolescence is an amazing time in our lives. Everything is changing, everything feels new, and the future stretches out before us like a terrifyingly exciting mystery. Sometimes it can feel like a bit of a challenge parenting your teen, but it can help in those moments to stop and consider their perspective. It’s sometimes difficult to remember what it was like when we were in their shoes.

Parenting a teen is different from parenting younger children in many ways, but there are plenty of similarities as well. It’s important to respect them as individuals, follow their lead, and consider their developmental needs. While that may seem vastly oversimplified, it’s always helpful to have core ideas to rely on.

More than perhaps any other time in life, adolescence is a time of balance. That gradual release of independence you’ve been working on their entire lives? When you find yourself inching toward the end of the continuum, it can be hard to know what to do and when.

Your child will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. With a little grace, respect, and a good sense of humor, you will all make it through this exciting and chaotic time together. Consider these five tips to help you on your way.

1. Give Them Space

That burgeoning independence will make much more regular appearances during the teen years. Let it! It is completely normal for your child to want to spend more time with their peers, to want to do things for themselves, and to want to start making their own major decisions. These are big changes, for sure, but they are also a beautiful sign that you have encouraged your child’s independence and given them a foundation on which they have built a strong sense of confidence.

While your child isn’t an adult quite yet, they are certainly practicing to become one. If they are asking for more freedom and you’re not so sure, it can help to ask yourself the following questions:


  • Have they shown responsible behavior?
  • What are the risks associated with their request?
  • How can you work together to mitigate those risks?

Does this mean you should acquiesce to your child’s every request for complete independence? Of course not! But, it can help to expect that they will ask, and checking our own internal dialogue and expectations can help you figure out what’s best.

2. Support Their Interests

Adolescence and young adulthood are a period in life when we are figuring out who we really are. One way we do this is to explore different interests. Whether your child leans into artistic, athletic, academic, social, or other endeavors, they’re counting on you to support them.

How can you support these interests? Ask your child questions. Be curious. Remember to comment on their efforts rather than the product of those efforts. Show up when they need you to.

They may not always see themselves as a painter/baseball player/actor, but they will absolutely remember the feeling of having a parent who supported them as they figured out who they are.


3. Find Things In Common

Once upon a time you could read them picture books or ride bikes together. Now they’d rather bike with their friends and only seem to have time to read for school. There are times it will feel like you’re speaking different languages. That’s normal, and it doesn’t have to last forever.

As time goes on, pay attention to what they’re into. You may find they are discovering things you already love, or you may find yourself delving into your own new interests. You might be surprised as you bond over classic rock, visit art museums on the weekends, or hike together. Maybe you both like to follow funny animal Instagram accounts. Perhaps there’s a television show or movie genre you both are into.

Keep an open mind. You may be surprised to learn something new about your child, and they may be just as surprised to learn something new about you. Either way, finding activities to connect over is just as important now as it was when they were younger.


4. Keep Talking…and Listening

After you break into the “don’t drink and drive” lecture for the hundredth time, you will no doubt be met with groans and eye rolls. That’s okay. Let them groan. Teen’s brains are still developing, and they don’t always have the most solid decision-making skills. That’s not entirely their fault, and the more they hear you reiterating the important stuff, the better.

While it’s so important to remind your children about safety and expectations, don’t forget to keep reminding them how much you love them. Notice their efforts and achievements, and let them know that you’ve noticed. Try to make sure your positive comments outnumber anything that could be perceived by them as negative. Ask them questions about topics that they find interesting.

But - just as important as talking (and maybe even more so) is listening. Your teen may feel like it’s hard to talk to you about sensitive topics, even if they want to. Pay attention to their comments and questions, and reassure them that you’re here to listen. Try not to cast judgement. Try not to solve their problems for them.

Oftentimes the best approach is to listen and ask what they need from you. They may just want a shoulder to cry on. They may want ideas or solutions. Either way, check in and see what you can do to best help.

5. Remember They Still Need You

Even when your teen has shown they are responsible and independent, that doesn’t mean they want or can handle all the responsibility and independence that comes with adulthood. Your child is still a child, at least for a little bit longer.

There will be days they act like (and maybe even say) they don’t need you, but that doesn’t make it so. They still need you, they just need you differently than they did when they were six. Ask them if they want a hug once in a while. Tell them you’re proud and in awe of the person they are becoming. Remind them that you are there.


Our children are only little for a little while. Parenting is hard work, but it is one of the greatest, joyous journeys we can take. We encourage you to soak up every last moment of your child’s teenage years, and marvel at this incredible time of transition.

By LakeCreek Montessori School April 1, 2026
When children struggle, Montessori asks: what's in the way? Explore how the prepared environment helps children find their way back to themselves.
April 1, 2026
Discover why Montessori teaches cursive first — and how neuroscience is confirming what Dr. Montessori observed about children's hands and brains.
By LakeCreek Montessori School April 1, 2026
More Than a Chart on the Wall: How Montessori Timelines Build History, Imagination, and Character
By LakeCreek Montessori School April 1, 2026
Discover how Montessori education nurtures children's deepest human needs — from exploration and meaningful work to belonging and spiritual growth.
By LakeCreek Montessori School March 6, 2026
Discover how peer learning, meaningful context, adult interaction, and order align Montessori with the science of how children learn best.
By LakeCreek Montessori School March 6, 2026
Montessori education has been in existence for over a century, but does it actually work? Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard spent years researching this question, and her book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, is a must-read. In her book, Dr. Lillard identifies eight principles at the heart of Montessori education. What’s key is that these Montessori principles align with what developmental science tells us about how humans actually learn. The remarkable thing is that Dr. Maria Montessori arrived at most of these insights through careful observation of children, decades before the research existed to corroborate how children learn. In this two-part blog post, we’ll examine these eight principles and the connected research. PRINCIPLE ONE: Movement and Learning Are Deeply Entwined In most traditional classrooms, children are still expected to sit still, as if stillness is a prerequisite for learning. In Montessori, we understand how movement and thinking are intertwined. And research backs this up. Studies have found that physical activity improves cognition, judgment, memory, and social reasoning. Moving the body isn't a break from learning. Rather, the movement is often the learning (and this is even more so for younger children!). Montessori materials are designed to be touched, carried, sorted, and manipulated. Children working with the knobbed cylinder blocks are actively perceiving, making judgments, and reasoning through their hands. The same is true when children sort fabric squares by texture, shake and compare sound cylinders, or lay out bead bars to represent quantities. Every material helps children integrate their minds and bodies. Practical life activities take this even further. When children learn to pour, button, fold, or prepare food, they are engaging in organized sequences of purposeful action that develop concentration and executive function skills. What the Research Shows A Milwaukee study found that high school students who had previously attended Montessori programs significantly outperformed peers on math and science assessments, subjects that rely heavily on the kind of reasoning that, in Montessori, is first built through hands-on materials. PRINCIPLE TWO: Choice Improves Both Learning and Well-Being The freedom to choose is at the heart of Montessori education, but this isn’t just about enjoyment. Having choice measurably affects how well children learn and how they feel about themselves. In a striking series of studies, children aged seven to nine were given anagram puzzles to solve. Those who chose their own category of puzzle solved twice as many as children whose category had been chosen for them, even though the actual puzzles were identical. Those who had a choice also spent far more time voluntarily working on puzzles during free time. The key finding is that the perception of control (even in small things) activates a fundamentally different relationship to the work. Children who feel in control tend to engage more deeply, persist longer, and take more ownership of their learning. In a Montessori classroom, children choose their own work throughout the day. Importantly, Dr. Lillard notes that this freedom is always paired with responsibility, and that too many choices can be as demotivating as none. The Montessori environment offers meaningful, bounded choice. Rather than an overwhelming array, each classroom has a selection of purposeful materials designed to match children’s developmental readiness. Choice and concentration are closely connected, too. When children choose work that genuinely engages them, they're far more likely to reach a deep state of focus, or what psychologists call a “flow state.” PRINCIPLE THREE: Children Learn Best When They're Genuinely Interested This sounds obvious, of course! It makes sense that we learn better when we are interested. However, think about this in terms of how classrooms are typically structured. If interest is one of the most powerful drivers of learning, then organizing a school day around a single curriculum delivered to the whole class at once works against almost every child in the room. Dr. Montessori understood children's interests as biological signals pointing toward what their developing minds most need to engage with at that moment in their lives. These windows of opportunity, or "sensitive periods,” are particular stretches of development during which children are uniquely primed to absorb certain kinds of learning. During these windows, learning that matches the child's inner readiness can be extraordinarily effortless and lasting. The role of interest is why Montessori materials are designed to be beautiful, engaging, and self-correcting. The sensorial materials, for example, aren't only teaching discrimination of size or color. They are designed to help children become more interested in noticing the world around them. The adult’s role is to observe carefully and offer new lessons at the moment a child's interest is most alive. PRINCIPLE FOUR: Rewards Undermine the Motivation They're Meant to Build Offering children external rewards (e.g., stickers, prizes, praise for being smart) for activities they already enjoy reliably reduces their intrinsic motivation to do those things later. What the Research Shows Researchers identified preschoolers who loved drawing with markers. They then told one group they would receive a "Good Player Award" for drawing (a fancy certificate with a gold star). Weeks later, the children who had expected the reward used the markers far less than they had before, and half as much as children who had never been offered a reward at all. Expecting a reward had turned something they loved into something they did for a prize. And when the prize was gone, so was much of the pleasure. Rewards like sticker charts, gold stars, and even grades and honor rolls, shift children’s relationship to learning from "I do this because it interests me" to "I do this to get the reward." When the reward is taken away, children’s inner drive has often already weakened. In Montessori classrooms, feedback comes through the work itself, which includes many self-correcting materials, so children discover their own errors without external judgment. The goal is to keep children's relationship to learning intrinsic, personal, and durable. This doesn't mean feedback is absent, though! What matters is the kind of feedback. Research by psychologist Carol Dweck found that praising children for effort (e.g., "you worked really hard on that”) produces dramatically better outcomes than praising ability (e.g., “you’re so smart”). Children praised for effort choose harder challenges, persist longer after failure, and actually improve their performance over time. Children praised for their intelligence begin avoiding challenges, fearing that failure will expose them as not as smart as they were told they were. In our following blog post, we’ll look at the next four Montessori principles outlined in Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard’s book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius: Children Learn Powerfully from Each Other Meaningful Context Makes Learning Richer and More Lasting How Adults Interact with Children Shapes Everything Order in the Environment Supports Order in the Mind In the meantime, schedule a tour here in North Austin to see the principles in action! And let us know if you would like to borrow a copy of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard. It is one of the most research-based books on Montessori education, and we recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the deeper logic of Montessori!
By LakeCreek Montessori School March 6, 2026
When we lose our cool, repair matters most. Explore accountability, curiosity, and connection to break reactive cycles and parent with intention.
By LakeCreek Montessori School March 6, 2026
Explore the Montessori three-period lesson and how its quiet simplicity unites words and meaning during a child’s sensitive period for language.
By LakeCreek Montessori School February 13, 2026
Explore a curated list of children’s books about water, rivers, and watersheds. These stories invite curiosity, care for the planet, and meaningful reading at home.
By LakeCreek Montessori School February 12, 2026
Montessori children experience long division in a concrete and meaningful way. This post shares how hands-on materials help children understand place value and build confidence with complex math.
Show More