Facing Frustration & Flipped Lids

LakeCreek Montessori School • September 30, 2024

You’ve experienced the scene before. All is quiet and calm. The kids are playing outside. Maybe you are even focused on something you’ve wanted to do for a while. And the next thing you know the door slams open and everyone comes in, teeming with frustration.


At first, you may try to piece together the details: a game, something stolen, someone who felt excluded, others defending their territory. Removed from the situation, you can probably see the dynamics at play: someone felt left out and wanted to belong but didn't know how to ask, so they do something that gets them some negative attention.


Feeling Disconnected 


Our children don't necessarily use the most constructive ways to let us know what they need. Rather than say, "I feel disconnected, and I need some extra love and attention," they are more likely to hit or throw tantrums or, as they get older, say or do mean things to get us to notice. In our imaginary scene, a child who wanted to belong decided to take something to get the other children to pay attention.


In situations like this, other kids typically don’t respond well. They get defensive and usually respond with a fair amount of their own fury. When children retaliate, they aren’t thinking about any consequences of their actions, much less about another child's motivations! Even if we try to listen and have a conversation about what happened, children will often tend to become inflamed again.


Shifting Gears


This is when it is helpful to remember that we can shift gears to help children understand what is actually happening in their brains! Ideally, we find something that children can relate to and that changes their focus. 


A pet reptile is an excellent option. “So you remember the gecko we saw at the pet store? She has a very basic response. If threatened, she has three options: to fight, to freeze, or to flee.” From there, we can explain how we all have a very reptilian part of our brain, the amygdala. When we feel threatened, we tend to go back to basic responses: fight, freeze, or flee. 


Flipping Our Lid


We also have our frontal lobes, which allow us to think more logically and consider other options. Despite having a rational part of our brain, it is easy to do what Daniel Siegel has termed "flipping our lid." 


We can show children what this is like by representing our brain with our hand. When we curl our thumb into our palm it is like the amygdala, a primitive part of our brain essential for basic functions. The amygdala is our alarm center and responds from a place of instinct. Then we can curl our fingers over our thumb so they can represent the frontal lobes of our brain, which help us with self-control, empathy, and decision-making. 


When we get upset, we can "flip our lid." Our fingers (representing our frontal lobes) fly up and are out of commission, leaving our thumb (representing our amygdala) exposed. When this happens, we tend to act from the more reptilian part of our brain.


Getting Curious


When we provide this model for children, they often focus intensely on how our brains function. Yet there is still a challenge: What should we do when we are intensely upset, have a flipped lid, and are in the midst of a challenging moment?


It helps to really sit with the question with our children and lean into a place of curiosity. What if we had a plan for when we get into these kinds of moments? What if others around us were able to do this, too? What if our communities, our governments, and our countries were able to manage flipped lids? What kind of world would we experience?


When given the opportunity to explore options together, our children tend to rise to the occasion. They might decide to use each other for support when they feel overwhelmed by feelings of anger or frustration. They might also begin to think more about others’ needs and how to help them feel more included. Our children are so capable of moving from a place of not knowing to taking initial steps to figure out their own plan of action. While our children won’t have all the answers, we can help them carefully consider how to manage themselves in the face of challenges. 


Curious to learn more about how we help children we confront frustration, recognize the need to belong, and even just manage overstimulation? Schedule a tour and see for yourself how Montessori helps us all grow in beautiful ways!


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Have you ever watched a child trace the outline of a window with their finger, or carefully line up blocks into a perfectly symmetrical row? They may not have a name for what they're doing, but they are already exploring geometry. Dr. Maria Montessori understood that geometry is not an abstract school subject. It is part of the world children live in from the very beginning. A glance at the typical geometry textbook might suggest otherwise. Formulas, diagrams, and definitions can feel remote and lifeless, something to be memorized and forgotten. But look around for a moment. There is geometry in the angles of a mineral crystal and in the symmetry of a butterfly's wings. There is geometry in the legs of a chair and in the steel girders of a bridge. Children encounter it everywhere! In fact, research suggests that a basic intuitive understanding of geometric concepts may be inborn in human beings. A fascinating study of the Munduruku (an indigenous group living in the Amazon whose language includes very few spatial or geometric terms) found that both adults and children demonstrated an intuitive grasp of basic geometric ideas. This isn't something they were taught. It was already there. Montessori classrooms build on exactly this kind of inborn understanding. From Sensory Experience to Big Ideas In the early childhood years, children work with geometry through their hands. Materials like the Constructive Triangles, the Metal Insets, and the geometric cabinet give children a felt, physical understanding of shape, symmetry, and form before we introduce any formal terminology. Children gather and store these impressions. Their minds are being prepared. As they get older and certainly in the elementary years, children are ready to bring names and reasons to what they already sense. Elementary-aged children don't just want to know what something is called. They also want to know why. Why is this shape called a pentagon? (Spoiler: Its name comes from the Greek word for five: pente.) Geometry becomes a doorway into the history of language, ancient Greece, and the lives of mathematicians like Thales, Pythagoras, and Euclid, who puzzled over the same ideas thousands of years ago. This is the spirit of Cosmic Education when we pull one thread of curiosity to find it unravels into history, language, culture, and mathematics! Geometry, Algebra, and Arithmetic Woven Together One of the things that makes Montessori's approach to geometry so distinctive is that it doesn't stand alone. In the Montessori classroom, geometry is part of a three-part approach to mathematics, interwoven with arithmetic and algebra in ways that make each of them easier to understand. The Binomial Square is a good example. It presents the algebraic expression of (a + b)² = a² + 2ab + b² as a geometric pattern of squares and rectangles that children can actually build and hold. The arithmetic follows the pattern. The pattern confirms the algebra. Each one reinforces the others, and the whole thing is far more memorable than just a formula written on a board. Open-Ended, Creative, and Genuinely Fun Plus, a lot of Montessori geometry work has no single correct answer. We invite children working with the Metal Insets or Constructive Triangles to find as many equivalent figures as they can for a given shape. There may be dozens of ways to approach the same problem. This open-endedness nurtures the creative, analytical thinking that elementary children are hungry for. Plus, this quality of thinking will serve them in every area of life. Compass-and-straightedge constructions are another example. These beautiful, precise drawings challenge children in a way that is both mathematical and artistic. Many children find them deeply satisfying. What This Looks Like at Home You don't have to wait for the classroom to feed your child's geometric curiosity. Point out the shapes in a honeycomb. Notice the angles in a spider's web. Talk about the tiles on the floor or the panes in a window. Ask your child questions. Do you think that could be a triangle? How many sides does it have? These small moments of noticing are the same thing Montessori described when she wrote about preparing the environment to reflect the world children already live in. Geometry is already there. We're simply helping children see it. Come visit us in LakeCreek Montessori School to see how this unfolds in the classroom and to watch children fall in love with one of humanity's oldest ways of understanding the world.
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